Common Thread Coaching

“You will find unexpected pleasure in the aesthetics of your thoughts and words, and that … will keep you going deeper, looking for further insights and language. Beauty is closely related to both love and pleasure, and these spur you on to express yourself beautifully.”—Thomas Moore

I grew up in a quiet, loving family where minimal dialogue was the default mode of communicating. The unexpected death of my father when I was nineteen deepened the silence. My mother, sister, and I made an unspoken and unconscious pact to move on, as if speaking about our tragedy would worsen our fate. Eventually I found myself shut out from what I now call “an open conversation with the world.”

When anxious thoughts and beliefs rumbled around in my mind and body, I found myself without a means to articulate and process. My friend Shelly described those feelings of dissonance and confusion as “a tiny laundry room with twelve pairs of tennis shoes going round and round in the dryer.” When I was in that undesirable state of being, I felt stuck. It was the day I wrote my first poem, and then the next one, and the next, that I discovered putting pen to paper was an amazing way to ‘turn off the dryer.’ Writing—poems, journal entries, essays, etc.— gave me the essential tools for my own transformation. It was the path for exploring my values and beliefs. Words released me. And now, as part of my coaching practice, I use poetry, writing, and word usage exercises as tools for my clients’ transformations as well.

“Today most people look for an explanation and cure, usually from an expert. But expert advice can be distant and impersonal, not tailored to your specific experience, and it isn’t something you discover for yourself in a process of healing… we can all evoke the artist in our selves for that purpose…” —Thomas Moore

I’ve discovered over the last few years that the language I use with others, and my own ‘self-talk’ (thoughts) can literally shape my experience of life. Now science is proving this is so. Words are symbols of lived experience. Neuronal pathways—neurobiological ‘highways’ that carry information—are created in our brains when any combination of emotion, language, and experience happen simultaneously, and these pathways are strengthened and deepened by repetitious thoughts and/or language use. Therefore, my choice of language can become either a disempowering habit that constricts and leads to misunderstanding and reaction, or an empowering mode of communication that encourages and expands understanding and the ability to respond. The good news is that with mindful attention, focus, and practice, our old and disempowering language habits can be changed over time: a chore transforms into an opportunity, an overwhelming event becomes exciting.

“… carefully chosen words can be healing. Images help clarify emotions, memories, and events. They can connect the past with the present and create a kind of reflection that impacts chronic suffering. It helps to know what you’re going through. Often our language is too technical, mechanistic, medical, and psychological, but falls short of our experience. Poetic speech is more personal and more adequately and precisely names the mood…a good word or story takes you much further toward a level of meaning that makes the experience human and livable.” — Thomas Moore

The above quotes by theologian, philosopher, and author Thomas Moore are from his book Dark Nights of the Soul. He describes the power of words and the images those words produce and directly connects to the reasons I use poetry, writing and word exercises: to birth personal insights and changes of perspective that can guide a person toward their coaching intention, goal and/or purpose.

The root of the word poet comes the Greek word poetes, which means ‘maker’ and ‘author.’ With mindful attention to words and how I use them, I’ve become the maker of my world, the author of my life.

Copyright © 2008 Nancy G. Shapiro